I Must Be In The Wrong Room: Perfectionism vs. Self-Confidence
Perfectionism vs. Self-Confidence
In my work with high performing executives and startup founders, I regularly run into brilliant and creative people who lack self-confidence. Sometimes there are old family issues that get in the way. But more often it is the curse of perfectionism that gets in the way. When you hold yourself to impossibly high standards, it becomes difficult to feel satisfied with your achievements.
Perfectionists often focus more on their mistakes or perceived failures rather than recognizing their successes. This constant striving for perfection can create a cycle of self-doubt and criticism, eroding self-confidence over time. Part of how I know these things is that I am a perfectionist. I recall being in meetings where I was sure that I was in the wrong room. This was the room for brilliant people. The room for people like me was down the hall.
Perfectionism can lead to procrastination or avoidance of tasks for fear of not meeting those high standards. This avoidance can further chip away at self confidence, as it reinforces the belief that you're not capable or competent enough to accomplish your goals.
• Building self-confidence often involves accepting yourself and your efforts, even if they're not perfect.
• Embracing a growth mindset, where you view mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement, can help counteract the negative effects of perfectionism and foster greater self-assurance.
• Learning to set realistic goals and celebrate progress, rather than fixating on perfection, can also contribute to a healthier sense of self confidence.
• Employers and bosses get better results when they create an environment where it is safe to not be perfect.
I still sit in rooms with brilliant people. And there are still times when I feel like I’m in the wrong room. But more often I feel like I fit. Being older and wiser probably helps me focus on what’s truly important. Being perfect is not as valuable to me as it once was.